Happy/Sad

Mmmm, so the other day I was going through a few old posts that I had done in Facebook a  few years back and read peoples comments on my posts. I came across a few from my ex, which also happens to be my first girlfriend. I had noticed that her last name was different so I figured she got married.

Now even though in the past I had emailed her to try to patch things up and see if we could make things work again but and not really surprised after all these years she was still a bit angry, so I left it that. Though now after seeing that she has found happiness I figured I would send her a quick message with my congratulations. To my surprise she messaged me back and we talked briefly.

Now I’ve been doing pretty well and accepted the single life, quite frankly I quite happy to live my life as I am now, but hearing that she was getting married has made me sad. I guess its a like now I know that we will never be together again. But don’t get me know I’m happy for her. Of the three woman I’ve dated, she was the one that I could truly say was the best I’ve had and well probably will ever have as I don’t expect to find anyone again. After all these years I’ve thought of her regularly and I know now that there was something real between us and how much of a fool I was. Sadly we can not go back in time so I just have to accept it. So sure I’ll be sad and down for a bit but like everything else in my life I’ll get over it.

So I wish her all the happiness.

Good to be stress free

Well as of late I’ve felt a whole lot better than I have felt in quite a while. lol Surprised to hear me saying this compared to reading my past few posts but it’s true. Wondering what has changed in my life well I’ll tell you.

Been almost a month and I’m still debt free. and not only debt free but actually able to save some money on the side. So now I do not need to stress out any more that I have support her and still pay my own way and lead my own life. Have to say that knowing this is quite a borden off my shoulders. So who knows maybe next time this year I’ll have enough to take a trip somewhere, maybe even go and visit Belgium and see whats changed since the last time I’ve been there, lol also not to mention that I haven’t taken a vacationfor myself in 17 years.

Apart fropm being debt free I’ve also gone ahead and deleted all profiles from the various dating sited that I’m on. No before you think it I have not met anyone, rather I have decided to quit looking as it quite obvious that woman in today’s society are not open minded or have a slight understanding for when it comes to familty values. Not to mention that we to them these days its all about appearance and money. And truth be told I feel a lot better cause visiting these sites day by day and seeing that my no ones interested even though they viewed my profile made me more and more depressed and angry with every day that passed. But now I just going with the mentality that if I’m good enough for them they will present themselves to me.

On a different note, I finally got a raise, after not recieving a increase in 5 years. Not much but it still enough to an actual increase in my salary. I wa toild my own team recieved the same %. I may not agree with that as well, theres some that dont decerve a raise and well in fact should really have been let go. But I dont care cause I know the circle turns and sooner or later they get whats coming to them.

So having said all that I feel 10 time better and quite frankly if things changes great but right now I happy to be single and look forward to able to save money and not needd to worry if I can be able to financially keep myself afloat.

Hard work does not pay off

Well seems finally my company decided to give me a descent raise, well considering the past 5 years I never received one cause as they put it, it was the resection. Which was bullshit as the head of the company always told us we were doing great and above the earnings they were expecting plus they were purchasing smaller companies each year.

Then last year they gave me 1%, thats like a spit on my face after I was award employee of the month and  played a critical part in the office reorganization and rebuild which costed $1m. Now at the end of the day and after taxes, 1% doesn’t even cover the inflation rate.

But the silver lining of the story is this year they gave me 2.7% which I guess is ok, I have yet to see the increase after taxes on my pay, but sure it will be noticeable and not just a few cents.

But telling you I finally got a raise is not why I’m writing this blog today, the reason why is that my boss mentioned to me that everyone on my team received 2.7%. Now for the most part I agree they all did a fine job, well all except for one. Now she is one that doesn’t deserve a raise if anything she shouldn’t even have the job. But because she is tight with the boss and not too mention very “friendly” with some of the higher up people she is still around getting away with so much crap. This is a woman that takes 20 to 25 minute breaks instead of 15. Dresses like a 25 year old when she is way older and doesn’t have the body for it, on more than one occasion she’s were a skirt and can see what panties she’s wearing when approaching her desk. Not to mention that she walks around in flipflops which is not company dress code. She comes late, leaves early and god knows what else, Is the most unreliable person on the team as she constantly  calling in “sick” because she has a migraine, which actually fact she’s probably suffering a hangover, usually after a football game or tennis match on TV. Not to forget that she call ed in sick for two days yet on her facebook she posted status updates that she was at the bar. I’m sure the boss knows as they are on each others facebook as friends.  Yet she gets away with all of that.  And yet she gets a 2.7 % raise, which the rest of us do whats expected and reliable and get the same amount.

So this just proves that you don’t have to work hard to be rewarded cause no matter how hard you work you will still get the same recognition as someone that only pulls half her/his weight.

A door is closed.

For many of us we suffer of falling in to debt and unable to climb out of that hole. Everytime you make a dent in your debt, something happens and pushes you deeper or if you like me that you buy certain things over the years that later you think what in the world was  thinking and you ask yourself how did I get in so deep. So deep that you have no idea where all the money went too. As they say it’s easy to fail in to debt but its harder to become debt free

For some we luck enough to buounce back and I am glad to say I’m among them. Truthfully speaking its a lot of weight off my shoulders. If you have read my earlierposts you will know things haven’t been easy for me as my mother has been out of work which left me paying the bills and well 99% of my paycheck was going with in minutes and didnt leave me much to pay my debt of or have a life.

So finally I have something that will cheer me up and I can start having a life again. As to today I’m debt free, and I have plan to ensure that I dont make the same mistakes again. Now I know thats famous last words but I’m going to do my ultimate best to stay that way.

Least thats one chapter in my life that I can say is closed and locked. Now that other door of meeting some one which I have left open and also partly the cause of me falling in to debt with online dating sites. So for now I plan to close the door but not lock it. Basically what I’m saying is I looking but not looking. I’m done. I’m no longer the hunter. It is after all the 21 century. If she is ineterested then well time for her to step up and let me know. Everytime I fall for someone to a point that I would like to be with them I find out they either engaged, married, or already in a realtionship. And like I said I’be been on dating sites, the top 5 of sites available and nothing to show for. not even a date. Had hundreds of woman veiwing my profile but not even given the chance to get to know me. So yes That door is closed and if she whats me she’s welcoem to open the door. I’ve been single for 5 years now and well whats a few more years. startign to get use to the fact I’ll be on my own anyway.

So thats that, We will see what the future holds but for now. I’m goign to smile and enjoy the fact I dont ahve to worry abotu money any more.

Never be too trusting

Recently I become a victim of Extortion. What lead up this i’m not too proud of but we all human to a point and we make mistakes that we learn from. But ultimatly was all my fault and I pais for it.

I never really worried about this whole privacy thing on Facebook or other sites. I would use my real name to sign in on websites or use my name in a username. I’ve been told I’m too trusting and all this has finally bite me in the ass. So take it from me dont ever use your real name and be sure to your facebook is secure with privacy, cause with me been so lack this woman was about to gather not only information on me but my friends too and threatened to embaress me to my friends and my mothers friends.

I’m not going to go in to detail about what happened as well it private but still want to make you aware that nothing on the internet is private. Specially if you in contact with people around the world like apps like Wechat, KIK and probably a few others that allow you to build a friendship or relationship online. And due to me being so trusting, and fool I was balckmailed and lost a bit of money. and Believe me it never ends there as she came back for more. But I sucked up my embaressment and not paid and face what ever she plans to do.

So this was a warning for me and be a warning to you nothign is secure so please look at your privacy settings and be creative with your usernames.

Can you believe it

Well guys did stupid things for love or to find love. We say never again and then a woman flashes us a smile and we are seduced to make the same mistakes over again. And of course we hear from friends and family, “will you ever learn” and you know what as a society no we will never learn.

So heres a brief update and conclusion to my earlier blog. So As you know I was lead to believe that my ex wanted me back and then she disappeared on me. Well two weeks went by with not a message of that she was ok, nothing. Then out of the blue she messages me that I hurt with my message saying,  “I was hurt and never text me again as you a tease blah blah . you get the picture. Naturally i wasn’t happy, dont think any guy or woman would be. To be lead on and then for no fault of your own disappears with out a reason.

Anyway against my better judgement we exchanged words, in the beginning it was angry words. I asked her why she didn’t text me, she replies oh I was busy….really, I can understand at work, but how about during lunch or when you get home. Remember this is the same girl that has message me in the past at 3am cause she woke up and had to pee. And in the past we have texted in the morning while getting ready for work and during lunch. hell we even used to text at night to a point she would fall asleep.  lol no my text didn’t put her to sleep . So I replied to her it takes 2 seconds to text I’m busy. at which point she tell me I’m an asshole and not the guy she dated. blah blah blah. well the end of the night she tell me that her world doesn’t revolve around her and fuck off.And that how the night end. I get she was angry and I apologized to her (which I dont know why, as I did’t do anything wrong) after all I probably could have handled it a bit differently.

So the night end and slept. The following day she message me at lunch and this time it was a bit more civilized. But after talking with friends at work who know the situation and my mother, they all agree that I should end this and forget about her as I could do far better . And they reminded me that she has hurt me twice before and also reminded me how much f a mess I was the previous week. So I deleted her number and thats that. Well that night she message me, ignored it. Two days later she message me again, with are you ok. ignored that too. give her a taste of her own medicine. And what now she is concerned. please….

So I think that chapter is closed and I will not reopen it. There is no future with her and its time I face it.

Stupidity

Well seems this donkey just kicked that same stone again and I swear it’ll this will never happened again.

As you well know my Ex got in touch with me last week and mentioned in a text that she was single. At first I wasn’t planning on replying as before to was leading me on while still with her boyfriend of three years. But you can read about all that in my earlier post and this is not what this post is about.

Against my better judgement I decided on messaging her. We chatted for for the better part of the day and we got in to her break up. This jackass that she was dating broke up with her after three years due to the fact that did not share the same things in common. Pathetic I know but here comes the kicker of it all he broke up with her via text and when she asked my not do this in person and replies with he didn’t want to drive out of his way to her place and not to mention all this happened shortly after Valentines Day. She told me she was pretty broken up by it all and she was over him and have no intention of ever going back to him.

Over the never few days we chatted and even got on the tpoic of the two of us together again which at this point i was all for and well I still have or should say had feeling for her. So saturday night we talked on the phone till midnight and all was great, or so I thought.

I hadn’t heard from her at all for the whole of Sunday so after dinner I mesage her asking if she was ok. No reply. Monday night I messaged her again and still nothing. This was very much unlike her as in the past she always replied and if she was asleep she would reply when she wakes up. She has even replied to me at times when she wakes up in the early hours of the morning when she had to use the washroom. So it wasn’t in her nature not to reply. I never gave her a reason while we chatted to be angry with me so this was very strange. So Wednesday I messaged her again and still nothing.

So I have came to the conclusion she has or had no intentintion of getting back with me or even be friends. I’ve came to the conclusion that she was hurting and was looking to act on revenge and since I was an easy target and knew I had feelings for her that I was a prime target to make me feel the kind of hurt she went through.

Well I dont really care what her excuse or reasoning behind all this was, cause as of now this donkey is dont kicking that stone. I will not stoop so low again and reply to her. As of today we are done. period.

Whats wrong with society

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