Have you ever wondered about your dreams. Woke up in the morning trying to
think back seeing if you remember anything. Or had a dream that when you
woke up you wished was real. Or dreamt about something that you woke up to
open a drawer in hopes of collecting what you dreamt about cause it felt so
I’ve had dreams like that. Dreams that I wish was real as that person
seemed to have a better life. Even had Dreams of people I knew and didn’t.
Depending whonyou talk too, some will say our dreams is a way our brains
are telling us of what we most desire. While others will say that it a firm
of remember our past lives. Lol well of that was the case then my past had
more fun than me.
But for one reason or another I have another theory as to our Dreams. I
don’t think they memories of any sort but more the dreams of our other
side. Activities that our other counterpart is doing on another plane. OK
far fetched but not more far fetch than other theories. Think of it. And
why can it not be my theory who is to say that mine is wrong and theirs is
So next time you dream. Don’t look at it as something you need to break
down and analysis but think of it of what your other you is doing and think
of how you could better you life to be in sync with theirs.
Mmmm well as to be expected I was foolish to think things would have been different.
After a week of emailing this woman I met online we met. Our emails back and forth were long and quite interesting. I was actually getting to believe that just maybe we would be good for each other. So we met for coffee and she was beautiful. Maybe not beautiful to some people’s eyes but to mine she was. Lovely smile and stunning eyes.
We talking non stop for two hours. Laughed and even shared somewhat personal stories. It was all going well. My only concern after the date was if she maybe changed her mind once seeing me and just humored me with having coffee instead of standing me up. Reason why I say that is there she hardly ever kept eye contact. And near the end of the date she told me she had dinner with her family. I figured if I was her I would have said something earlier. But fair enough.
So that night I messaged her and told her that I had a lovely time and hope to see her again. But along in the email I told her about my situation with my mother and her living with me and me financially do supporting her. I figured I might as well tell her now rather than later before feelings are involved. To no surprise she messaged me back stating she had a lovely time too and couldn’t remember the last time she enjoyed talking and that we share a lot in common. Great you would think. Right. Wrong, as the message went on she told me she wasn’t comfortable and was looking to settle down and with my mom living with my mother would be a problem . No it hurt that we will not see each other any more but I respect that she was honest about it .
So back to square one. Though I feel maybe it’s best I just quit and live my live as a single man. Pointless always getting my hopes up just to be crushed.
So I’m at as a point that quite frankly I didnt think would happen. In my past blog I’ve mentioned how along I am and not having anyone to share it with due to the fact the woman these days are far more concerned for ones appearance than ones inner self and well for me it’s been evenly hard to meet someone.
Yet having said that, I met someone, well sort of. We have been emailing each other for the past couple of days and not some short messages, actually long emails and she is quite a sweet woman, quite pretty to. So now i’m at a point like every time I begin to think that things are turning around about how things are going to develop after the point that we start dating.
By that I mean how will she understand that my mother lives with me and that I’m financially supporting her, ok and so maybe she understands and is sympathetic about it, Shows me she has a good heart. But what about later down the line when things get more serious and come to that stage we should move in together. I hate to say it but I can not afford to support my mother and pay my way in a place with me and my “new gf”. Not to mention I can not see that she will be ok with the idea of living with my mother and me.
I want to meet someone I do but these are questions I wish i could answer. I can not very well leave my mother to defend for herself, she certainly cant afford it and maybe in a few years when she get pension she can pay her way a bit but not enough to live off. So part of me want to see this possible relationship through and see where it takes me but on the other hand im scared for what the future might hold. Maybe I should just stay single and live my life alone.
I tell you it sure does suck to be an only child where a divorced mother raises you. If only things were different.
Mmmm, so the other day I was going through a few old posts that I had done in Facebook a few years back and read peoples comments on my posts. I came across a few from my ex, which also happens to be my first girlfriend. I had noticed that her last name was different so I figured she got married.
Now even though in the past I had emailed her to try to patch things up and see if we could make things work again but and not really surprised after all these years she was still a bit angry, so I left it that. Though now after seeing that she has found happiness I figured I would send her a quick message with my congratulations. To my surprise she messaged me back and we talked briefly.
Now I’ve been doing pretty well and accepted the single life, quite frankly I quite happy to live my life as I am now, but hearing that she was getting married has made me sad. I guess its a like now I know that we will never be together again. But don’t get me know I’m happy for her. Of the three woman I’ve dated, she was the one that I could truly say was the best I’ve had and well probably will ever have as I don’t expect to find anyone again. After all these years I’ve thought of her regularly and I know now that there was something real between us and how much of a fool I was. Sadly we can not go back in time so I just have to accept it. So sure I’ll be sad and down for a bit but like everything else in my life I’ll get over it.
So I wish her all the happiness.
Well as of late I’ve felt a whole lot better than I have felt in quite a while. lol Surprised to hear me saying this compared to reading my past few posts but it’s true. Wondering what has changed in my life well I’ll tell you.
Been almost a month and I’m still debt free. and not only debt free but actually able to save some money on the side. So now I do not need to stress out any more that I have support her and still pay my own way and lead my own life. Have to say that knowing this is quite a borden off my shoulders. So who knows maybe next time this year I’ll have enough to take a trip somewhere, maybe even go and visit Belgium and see whats changed since the last time I’ve been there, lol also not to mention that I haven’t taken a vacationfor myself in 17 years.
Apart fropm being debt free I’ve also gone ahead and deleted all profiles from the various dating sited that I’m on. No before you think it I have not met anyone, rather I have decided to quit looking as it quite obvious that woman in today’s society are not open minded or have a slight understanding for when it comes to familty values. Not to mention that we to them these days its all about appearance and money. And truth be told I feel a lot better cause visiting these sites day by day and seeing that my no ones interested even though they viewed my profile made me more and more depressed and angry with every day that passed. But now I just going with the mentality that if I’m good enough for them they will present themselves to me.
On a different note, I finally got a raise, after not recieving a increase in 5 years. Not much but it still enough to an actual increase in my salary. I wa toild my own team recieved the same %. I may not agree with that as well, theres some that dont decerve a raise and well in fact should really have been let go. But I dont care cause I know the circle turns and sooner or later they get whats coming to them.
So having said all that I feel 10 time better and quite frankly if things changes great but right now I happy to be single and look forward to able to save money and not needd to worry if I can be able to financially keep myself afloat.
Well seems finally my company decided to give me a descent raise, well considering the past 5 years I never received one cause as they put it, it was the resection. Which was bullshit as the head of the company always told us we were doing great and above the earnings they were expecting plus they were purchasing smaller companies each year.
Then last year they gave me 1%, thats like a spit on my face after I was award employee of the month and played a critical part in the office reorganization and rebuild which costed $1m. Now at the end of the day and after taxes, 1% doesn’t even cover the inflation rate.
But the silver lining of the story is this year they gave me 2.7% which I guess is ok, I have yet to see the increase after taxes on my pay, but sure it will be noticeable and not just a few cents.
But telling you I finally got a raise is not why I’m writing this blog today, the reason why is that my boss mentioned to me that everyone on my team received 2.7%. Now for the most part I agree they all did a fine job, well all except for one. Now she is one that doesn’t deserve a raise if anything she shouldn’t even have the job. But because she is tight with the boss and not too mention very “friendly” with some of the higher up people she is still around getting away with so much crap. This is a woman that takes 20 to 25 minute breaks instead of 15. Dresses like a 25 year old when she is way older and doesn’t have the body for it, on more than one occasion she’s were a skirt and can see what panties she’s wearing when approaching her desk. Not to mention that she walks around in flipflops which is not company dress code. She comes late, leaves early and god knows what else, Is the most unreliable person on the team as she constantly calling in “sick” because she has a migraine, which actually fact she’s probably suffering a hangover, usually after a football game or tennis match on TV. Not to forget that she call ed in sick for two days yet on her facebook she posted status updates that she was at the bar. I’m sure the boss knows as they are on each others facebook as friends. Yet she gets away with all of that. And yet she gets a 2.7 % raise, which the rest of us do whats expected and reliable and get the same amount.
So this just proves that you don’t have to work hard to be rewarded cause no matter how hard you work you will still get the same recognition as someone that only pulls half her/his weight.
For many of us we suffer of falling in to debt and unable to climb out of that hole. Everytime you make a dent in your debt, something happens and pushes you deeper or if you like me that you buy certain things over the years that later you think what in the world was thinking and you ask yourself how did I get in so deep. So deep that you have no idea where all the money went too. As they say it’s easy to fail in to debt but its harder to become debt free
For some we luck enough to buounce back and I am glad to say I’m among them. Truthfully speaking its a lot of weight off my shoulders. If you have read my earlierposts you will know things haven’t been easy for me as my mother has been out of work which left me paying the bills and well 99% of my paycheck was going with in minutes and didnt leave me much to pay my debt of or have a life.
So finally I have something that will cheer me up and I can start having a life again. As to today I’m debt free, and I have plan to ensure that I dont make the same mistakes again. Now I know thats famous last words but I’m going to do my ultimate best to stay that way.
Least thats one chapter in my life that I can say is closed and locked. Now that other door of meeting some one which I have left open and also partly the cause of me falling in to debt with online dating sites. So for now I plan to close the door but not lock it. Basically what I’m saying is I looking but not looking. I’m done. I’m no longer the hunter. It is after all the 21 century. If she is ineterested then well time for her to step up and let me know. Everytime I fall for someone to a point that I would like to be with them I find out they either engaged, married, or already in a realtionship. And like I said I’be been on dating sites, the top 5 of sites available and nothing to show for. not even a date. Had hundreds of woman veiwing my profile but not even given the chance to get to know me. So yes That door is closed and if she whats me she’s welcoem to open the door. I’ve been single for 5 years now and well whats a few more years. startign to get use to the fact I’ll be on my own anyway.
So thats that, We will see what the future holds but for now. I’m goign to smile and enjoy the fact I dont ahve to worry abotu money any more.