Life or death


What does one do with his/her life when you have no one that loves you, no one that cares for you and no ds to speak off. Sure they have acquaintances at work, but has no body the they can talk to about what’s going on in their life or someone that can open up to and get advice.

Someone us wake up each morning hoping that things would be different and later in the day end up going to bed with more things on their mind. Just this weekend, I has a huge argument with a family member which in turn I hurt myself as you might say as punishment. You would think it ends there but the next day I confronted a complete stranger to a stupid issue hoping he would throw a punch or two or enough that it would end things. Even this morning I waiting for the train looking at the tracks thinking how easy it would be to fall forward and fall in the path of the train. Only thing that stopped me was that there was no guarantee that it would end my life and what my death would do to my mother.

I was reminded this weekend that I’m not the only one in my current situation but some part of me wish things would end be a bit easier. I believe that my life is cursed from something done in my past life, my mother on the other hand things and believes it was of my actions of almost 10 years ago that I’m being punished for. If I knew how to make things right I would but I don’t and a prayer will not help even though I’ve apologizes and asked for help on numerous occasions.

Only thing I can do now is play it out and hope that in time things will becomes easier.


This has been brought up before but it’s something that plagues my mind everyday now. I mentioned in a earlier post about opposites attract and in my case it’s more holding me back.

Basically what it boils down to is I’m hesitant to make it know to someone I care about of how I feel about her. Apart from the fact that she is incredibly beautiful and just watching her walk tells me that she knows it. But along with that beauty she is very driven, stands up for what she believes, very talented and intelligent. She is also focused on her health.

Now ordinarily this is exactly what most guys would want to get, myself included. But Everything she is I’m you could say the opposite.  I have a frame of mind that you can not change something, so arguing about changing a political policy or something along those lines is just a waste of time. Unlike her, she would be the first one in line if it came to a protest, she is very passionate about her beliefs. As she takes care of her body with healthy eating and working out at a gym, I on the other hand dont really care what I eat. and the only gym exercise I get is at work. But I’m healthy as a horse and quite fit for someone like myself. But in generally we are quite opposites in so many way. She is also very out going while i on the other hand barely get out of the house, something I would change but with current situation is easier said than done. If I were to date her I’d be consistently trying to out do what I did on the last date and ensure she is happy and try to be what she would want me to be.  Also doesn’t help we work for the same company.

It’s amazing how quickly someone can enter your mind and make you wonder how things would be if you were with that person and almost highlight all your errors and makes you see for what you really are. Makes you understand why you are single.

I guess there are just someone people that all they will be are friends and to be seen from afar.



Difference between men and woman

Who are the better of the two, Men or woman. In physical strength men, but in mental strength it’s woman. Patience well that goes to woman but ambition that goes to the guys. Of course I’m not generalizing here, there very well can be guys that have great mental strength and woman that are more ambitious. The list can go one.

But when it comes to dating thats where men and woman are in a league of their own and this would appy for most men and woman. Lets start with men. For a guy to date a woman, Men are more likely to date the woman if she has a good body, nice long legs or a great firm ass. Regardless that her face may be a ugly as a horses ass, but if she falls in with one of the three factors a guy will likely date her cause he know eventually he will sleep with her. Sure for some personality plays a small part but the percentage for a guy between looks and personality would be 80% looks 20% personality.

Not to say that woman are any different, but for a woman to date a guy there are far more factors in play. For a woman to date a guy these factors are taken in to consideration:

  • Type of job
  • How much does he earn
  • How rich is he
  • What car does he drive
  • How does he live
  • Personality – good guy or bad guy
  • Size of his dick

Then comes the personality bit. And woman know this that they have to be picky, after all its the guys that are making the move and if a woman goes to a bar dressed provocatively, its a given that she will get hit on all night, free drinks and pretty certain if she wanted to she would go home with someone and have her way with him. We have always hear that woman like a guy that romantic and sense of humor, I can tell you that just not true. You can be the hopeless romantic guy, but if you don’t have the looks you don’t stand a chance. As for percentage between looks over personality, will that is a little harder to predict as you can say its a 50/50 but the guy could be a bad guy and all scared up on his face that you would think why on earth would she be with him, but if money and or car come in to play she’s more likely to give him a shot over say a guy that has a mild income, no car and is average looki9ng but has a good guy attitude.

little different


I’m going to take a little different direction with today blog post. Maybe you have  in this situation maybe not, I’ve had a this crush as you might call it on this woman I know.

I’ve known her for some time now and on number occasions help her with acquiring episodes of her favorite show and other little favors along the years. Now on the other hand I did these favors for her in hopes that she will see me a someone that cares deeply for her. I’ve always noticed and commented when she had her hair done or when she was sick.  She is a incredible woman, seems to have a warm and cheerful personality and a good taste in clothes too. But as time went on and I realized that she was doing nothing more than leading me on and basically using me. So as time went by I did my best to get over her and move on. Now that easier said than done since I work in the same company, but I manage to avoid her as much as possible and than just when I thought that maybe I’d be over her, I see her walk by and everything I felt for her rushes back and I can not help but watch her and day dream on how things might be if we were together.

Well that’s something that will never happen. I can wish all I want but for a wish to come true they say you should have faith, yet I have no faith when it comes to finding love.

Lonelist day of the year


So with St. Valentines day coming up, people that have no one to share it with it can be not only the loneliest day of the year but you’ll find that their mood has changed from sad to possibly even angry, especially in the days prior to the special day. And I happen to be one of them, have yet to ever be with someone on that day. Maybe I should count myself lucky. There is nothing worse that to be walking around and seeing happy couples holding hands or in each other arms, when all you have to hold is yourself. I can well understand why the suicide rate goes up.

Personally, The whole St. Valentines day is over rated, why do you need to show your love to that special someone on this particular day. This is something you should be doing every day. It doesn’t need to be St. Valentines day to bring her some flowers, or have a romantic night at a nice restaurant. You should be making her feel special every day, because you should be counting yourself luck she is with you.

Apart from that, I have found that St. Valentines day is more of a marketing scam. Always around this time Jewelry stores begin their sales for rings and other pieces of jewelry with the tag line, show her you care with a diamond or ring etc. Is that what it takes now to keep her happy, with a piece of stone. Is a simple I love you no good no more. 

Even other areas of the marketing industry have taken lead with cards, choc, clothing, etc. is all this necessary. Since when has a day where you showed your love and appreciation turned in to a ploy to suck more money out of us.

I guess I should be counting my luck star I’ll not need to worry about trying to win over someone’s love with a piece of jewelry or buy her love with buying something for her when in the end it will be for nothing. 


We all have them, some are so small that we dont really think of them as a fear while others have fears that run their live in a different direction. As I know for some it’s harder and more stressful not only to uver come their fear but also to control their fear.

We all have hear that saying to face your fear and again for some it’s easier than others. If you have a fear to talk to woman, to some thats pretty stupid and an easy fear to over come but that person it maybe a big deal and easier said than done to break that fear. While others might have a fear of spiders and freak out even at the sight of a little spider. Breaking that fear is a lot harder to do and pushed too far in order to break that fear could lead to health problems or death via heart attack.

For myself I have a few fears as we al do I’m sure. One just happens to be fearof talking to woman, particularly ones that I happed to be attracted too. But one of my recently overcome fears was the visit to the dentist. Ok given I still not that comfortable with the visit, I am a lot better and calmer with the idea. There was times I never visited the dentist in years, but in the past year I’ve been on a few occassions making a visit to my dentist and maybe it’s his humour or that the work done on me didn’t hurt as much as I expected, but now I dont stress about the visit any more and actually think of future visits.

So essentially I have over come that fear. So now if only all my fears was that easy, but they are not. Some will need more work and time. Baby steps I say and with baby steps you can over come anything, no matter how much your fear might run your life. Keep that in mind,


So I’ve been know to be someone that helps out friends when ever possible. I would even go afar as saying that I’d help even if not asked. Ok given a lot of the times the reasoning behind me helping is that I may have feeling for the particular person. But regardless of my feelings I dont expect anything in return. I go by a motto that if your happy i’m happy and thats enough for me. Satisfaction at it’s highest level. Makes me feel good that I can at least bring a little happeniess and make them smile.

I find that’s somethign that been lacking as the generations getting older. More and more people are expecting favours in return or expecting something that’s not there. Why do we need to expect something in return when you take it upon yourself to help out. It should be up that the other person to deside if they want to do something in return.

As long as I can make people happy, then at least in some part in me is happy too knowing that I can still make a person smile.


Whats wrong with society


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