Sacrifices

Sacrifices, we all have been there at some point in our lives that we have sacrifices ourselves in pleasing someone else, be it with a purchase, money, job or love.

We all have done it and for the most part we dont judge. for inatance we dont just a woman that sacrifices her career to rather stay home and take care of her child or children. As stupid as that maybe it’s her decision. Ssame can be said for someone that quits his job to go and work some place else that pays more. He/she rather sacrifices a stable job to rather earn a bit more money and ensure he can enjoy the luxuries of life.

I myself have sacrificed so much. My currently postion says it all, I work for a company for 6 years have yet to recieve a raise or bonous and I disagree with their thinking but my job is stable and it allows me to pay my morgage. I could leave but then risk the chance of losing that job a few months in, so I rather sacrifice my chance of imporvement so that I can keep my place of living.

But what I sacrifice most is my personel life or more to the point my love life. I realize that in my earlier posts I made a issue of being along and thats something that will always be in the back of my head and I’ve accepted it, but I rather sacrifice my love life with taking care of my mother fincially and emotionally. I’m soon to be 35 and yes my mother lives with me. For most woman thats a issue and in some ways I can understand that, but they should rather hear the whole story and considering everything that has happened to me over the years and for what she has done for me. I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s my right as a son and family member to take care of her. And how is it any different from a son taking care of their sick mother, ok given my mother is not sick but is in need of my help. So I’d rather stay single and never have to be with a woman romantically than to abandon my mother. A sacrifice I will just have to learn to live with.

The sacrifies we make in life, make us what and who we are today.

Time of Year

There are a few times in the year that when being single you become more in tune with your feelings. any other time of the year you brush it off and say to yourself that your happy, well that what you keep telling yourself. If that the truth that a whole different matter.

But at Valentines day, christmas and Especially your birthday you become more depressed that most other times. And why not, these are the days you want to be with the one you love or that has equal amount of feelings for you as you have for her. Just so happens my birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks and again since, I have yet to be able to celebrate my birthday with someone special. Family has always asked me what do you want for your birthday, my generally reply is nothing as well I’m working and everything I would want I buy. But really what I really want for my birthday is something a family memeber can not give me, well unless you are in Asia when arrange marriages is a custom over there. As pathetic as it may sound what I want more than anything else in this world is to be about to celebrate a birthday with someone I care about, beside family.

I may go on and on about this in my blogs, but it’s not for the lack of trying. I admit I have a problem approaching woman and starting up a cold conversation and sound interesting, lol guess that why online dating was created. But even that I’m striking out on, I’ve been on the top 5 websites and had hundreds of views over the past few years. You know that some say that you should not stay and marry your first person you date, it would seem that maybe I should have done the opppisite and did just that cause from what I can remember my first was the one that treated me right. Well we get what we all deserve in the end so maybe this is just the way the higher power works, maybe being alone is just the way things have to be.

Was I wrong to think otherwise

So if you read my previous posts you sort of know what’s happening and if not Well keep reading and let me know what you think.

I was dating this girl 4 years back and after three months I broke it off  with her, not because of there was no connection but more of my own fault. I got scared and rather break it off and run before things got more serious. Ashamed to say it. The break up was civil and she understood agreeing that there was no connection. And we decided to stay friends. We continued to message each other and I guess at some point I just stopped and ignored as it was getting too hard for me emotionally. At that time she also started seeing a new guy.

So over the past 4 years she has tried to get in touch with me again and I’ve ignored her since. But a few of days ago after I haven’t heard from her in over 2 years to messages me again. I figured what the hell and started messaging each other again. It was just like when we were dating, messaged each other the through out the whole day with a good morning (being the first message we see in the morning) we were even messaging each other when we were both in bed. In our messages we talked about how things were when we were together, things we missed about each other, our kisses, touch etc. Even went so far she mentioned that she wondered what it would have been like to wake up next to each other. At  one point she even told me that she wished she had fought harder to keep me when we broke up. And in most of the replies there was a hun, or luv. I’m so sweet etc.

Anyway, a few days back to told me about that she had a argument with her BF (who she had been seeing for 3 years) about that he’s not sure if he would want more kids as he already has a kid from a previous relationship. I told her that it shouldn’t be up to him alone to decided this, she agreed, as she wanted a kid of her own. Anyway later that night she told me that things have been worked out and he agree that it’s something they will decided on, I mentioned to her that he could be just telling her what she wants to hear. anyway we continued to messaging one another till one night I haven’t heard from her in a better part of the day. I messaged to see if everything was alright and she told me that she’s not in the mood to chat as she’s not sure if she want to stay with her boyfriend as they had a argument. Being the friend that I am I messaged her before going to bed that I hope everything works out and to message me when she feels up to it. The next morning I find a message from her that it all worked out and everything was fine.

Naturally I was very disappointed as I thought this could be my second chance. And I told her basically what was on my mine and what I thought of her boyfriend not taking her feelings in to consideration etc. Keep in mind they have been dating for 3 years and they still not living together, yet they both work. She didn’t take it well and thought I was lashing out on her. Of course I was jealous and angry cause all this time I got the feeling she still had feelings for me. At which point she tells me that I not the guy she thought I was and I’m being an ass. I asked her why she was then leading me on, she tells me that she has a boyfriend and that what did I expect that she would leave him.

Was I out of line thinking that a second chance was on the horizon?

Tease

Why do woman think it’s OK to lead a guy on or tease them to believe something was there.  We see this all the time.

Woman go bars and clubs and dress all sexy and going some poor smucks attention and he gets a few Dances and she gets free drinks. And at the end of the night when they all ready to leave they part ways she she not interested in dating.

Woman just have their way to get what they want. From a one night stand to a job. A flirt here and it would get most guys do anything they want.

So I ask you how is it fair leading a guy on with No consideration for his feels.

New understanding

So as you can recall in my last post I mentioned how my ex of a 4 years ago has made contact with me again and we have begun messaging each other. In our messages we have opened up to each other talked about what we like about each other and things we miss.

Also was made know that we is seeing someone for the past 3 years. Good for her, not so good for me. But I’m happy for her. But heres the things, they are not living together….After three years and still living apart? Naturally I have asked friends of mine if this was normal and they all agree that it is odd. I asked my ex why this was and she told me that he changed careers when they started dating and is currently going to school. Now they both had an income, so I don’t understand why this would be a issue of not moving in together.

But this wasn’t the end of what I found out, apparently he has a kid from a previous relationship, not marriage but a relationship. So he’s a irresponsible person too as he didn’t use protection. Then she tells me that he’s not knowing if he wants another kid. She’s a little disappointed as she would like a kid of her own one day. So also tells me that he doesn’t put her feelings first.

Now in our messages to each other I we got to talking about how it would have been nice that if we were still dating to be with each other on our birthdays. I mentioned to her that on her birthday I would have taken her to the top of the CN Tower at night for dinner and the view of the city at night. Naturally she loved the idea, and told me that her boyfriends doesn’t like height, not afraid just uncomfortable. Now if I was him I’d suck it up and go, after all it’s her birthday and to make her feel special. Again he puts himself first.

Seems the more and more I learn of this guy, the more I dislike him. I just don’t know what she sees in him, but who am I to judge I let her go way back and like I said if shes happy then who am I to judge.

Second chances

So what I mentioned in my previous post, well forget that. But as they say when one door closes another opens. And maybe just maybe it might happen for me.

A few years ago I dated a sweet girl for a few months and with stupidity on my part and fear I ended things. No fault of hers but more it’s that famous saying it’s not you its me. No jokes.

Anyhow we stayed friends for a while and after a year or so I ashamed to say lost touch. Anyhow the other morning 3 years later I received a text from her and we started chatting. Now I know she still with the same guy she started dating after me and that been going on for three years now.

So we chatted morning to night and basically all the good times came back and we both seem to have new founded feelings for each other.

Now you might wonder where this might lead now. I found out that she isn’t living with him which I found a little strange that after three years that aren’t living together so it can’t be going all that well. So maybe just maybe we will get back together again. And truth be told I hope we do. She is sweet and I have been happier since we chatted.

So maybe second time around might be something to hope for and who knows maybe out relationship will be stronger.

Too good to be true???

So something odd is developing. I’m not ashamed to say but I’ve been single for a few years now. Now partly cause I just could not find any one interested enough in me.

Well that’s not true. Had a few bites but all of which I’ve not been interested in myself. Come now I not that desperate that I’ll date who ever come my way. But it was safe to say that all the woman were not what I was looking for. Seriously though we know physical appearance plays a key role. And they may be beautiful to someone but just not me.

Now what’s developing on my end is I am currently chatting with a girl and she is beautiful. Great body, cute face. Lovely voice. The works. But here the kink in the own thing. She’s currently in Hong Kong working and will be coming to Toronto next month on a working visa and possibly staying for good.

So what do I make of this.  Naturally I’d be keeping my guard up but I just surprised a woman like her is interested in me. Maybe it’s nothing or then maybe it’s something worse. But either way I keeping thinking of that saying if things are too good to be true they usually are…

Whats wrong with society

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