“If only” two words that are so powerful to the mind that it can make you angry, disappointed and sad in at once. I’m sure you have came to a point in your life where you said, “if only I had taken that job” or “If only I had enough money.” and my personnel favorite “If only I had asked her”. Now if we did what our gut was telling us or our better judgment then things would be so bad but we all have a that little voice in our heads that makes us rethink things and as such we think twice about certain things that later we regret.
A situation that has happened to me all too often. Only recently has there two words been plaguing me. If only I had asked her and maybe we would be together, but now I’ve lost that chance and as such she is with someone else and I stuck with having to fantasize how we would be together.
But maybe things will turn out all right later in life after all we all bound to meet someone right?
We have all that saying that when things are too good to be true they generally are. Yet time and time again we fall for the same thing over and over. Given it’s our natural instinct to not give up and keep trying when exactly when is it when enough is enough. How many time do we need to get hurt or disappointed to realize that facing the fact is the best on only option available to us.
Two examples and just to happen to me. I go week after week bowling, having been doing this for quite some time and in the past few months my team has been out performing themselves, myself included. As they say we were in a league of our own, week after week we were racking in the points, to a point that we are currently in first place. But only last week we fell apart. Ended up losing majority of the points and probably drop or positions few. Ok given we only half way through the season and we could make up the positions, but the fact is that things were going too right. And knowing my track record it should not have come to a surprise that we would fail.
and example of an instance that I should have know better. Matter of fact it this happened only yesterday. I’ve been single to a number of years, given a few of those years was by chose. But just so happened that I put my self out there again and a few weeks ago I started chatting with this woman online. I have an idea on what she looked like and had the feeling that we could be a good fit. So we met up, and we have heard people say that photos don’t do you justice. Well in this case is was true. She was far more beautiful in person. She pretty much had all the qualities that I was looking for. Average height, good body, long blonde hair and a beautiful face to match. for the most part of the date we had a good time. We laughed and shared stories of ourselves and generally got a feel we each other. But and here it comes we all have our deal breakers and it just so happens to broke 2 of them. To say I’m disappointed is a understatement. But thinking back I shouldn’t have been surprised as considering who I have dated before.
So keep in mind that what ever you doing, and it seems to be going too well or something is too right. don’t be surprised that it probably too good to be true.
We have heard this from time to time people asking each other if there’s life after death or if we lived before. I have wondered that myself, and I have to believe we must have had past lives. I say show me proof that there isn’t life after death.
REason for bring this up in blog is that everyday I think of what I must have done in my past life to deserve the loneliness and misery that I’m going through right now. Ever since I was young I’ve always had a fascination with San Francisco or Seattle, I’ve never been there but some part of me feels thats I have been there. I’m not born American but I feel in my heart that I am. I’m more concerned with American news than that of where I am now. Plus I get very offended when I hear people around me bad mouth Americans. So that makes me think that just maybe in a past life I have lived there. Just maybe I did something horribly wrong, that I hurt someone so bad that I possibly took my own life or something that made me come in to this life and now paying the price with having to miserable, with unable to find love or be loved. So do I believe in past life, yes I do and I only hope that when I die, my next life with be better and that I paid my dues that that what ever I do in my next life will be better and more worth while.
In my previous blog I mentioned about the reasoning behind my angre. But I feel I should also mention that there is also one more thing that needs mentioning.
For as long as I can remember everyday I’m doing the same routine. Not just on week days wit me going to work, coming home, working on my computer and then finally sleep. Weekends on pretty much the same except for work. I stay at home, go bowling and then return home to work on my computer and then sleep.
I guess I get angry more at myself as it’s up to me to change my routine yet what is the point in changing when you have nothing to motivate you to change. I have no one to spend time with and well I think we can all agree that going out and doing things on your own is not exactly fun. How can you have fun with you don’t have someone to enjoy it with. No surprise that no woman would want to be with me. Hell I dont even know how to have fun any more.
I’ve asked people and quite frankly being asking myself this question….Why are you so angry. Well there are a number of things really but here are the top three.
1. Unfairness at work….
I been working at this company for almost 7 years, in the beginning we received bonuses, increase in pay but year by year that changed. Haven’t had a bonus for since the second year I started, and a raise well, haven’t had one in 5 years. In the beginning management blamed the recession, but it’s been 5 years now and not only has the company since then bought smaller companies join the firm but has gone through a $1million office renovation. And on top of that management informs us quarterly of how well the company is doing, yet the employees don’t get rewarded, management does as recently I saw our head of management driving around in a $500 000+ Rolls Royce and not yet any RR, a car where there’s on 3 in Canada. Would change companies or positions but my current situation doesn’t really allow me to make any unnecessary moves or risks.
2. Corporate bulling…
I’ve been a Loyal customer with Rogers, Have my cell phone with them, my cable and internet. I know for a fact that 80% of people prefer Rogers and yet they continue to raise prices and belittle us, well I guess someone has to pay for all the building and sporting arena’s that they purchase over the years or if I didn’t know better to help fund less legit organizations. Recently I’ve been having some technical issues, in the past 2 weeks I’ve have 4 technicians coming around and they can not seem to get the job done and fix the problem, well maybe if they hired people that spoke English it might have helped but no that not the case. Then when you call tech support they put all the blame away from them and make it seem the problem is on your side. Makes you wonder what exactly am I paying them for,
3. Residential management issues
Then to top of my issues, there where I live. I have been living in my condo for a a number of years but only recently have I bought the place as to have a be of security for the future. But I’ve been paying month after month and not only do I not see things getting better but they in fact are getting worse. On the weekends we have no hot water so I can shower or even do the dishes. Management blames that they working on fixing the pipes as the building is old, yet 2 other building in the area which are exactly like our and built around the same time don’t seem to be having these issues. on top of that earlier this year there was a major ice freeze and while most got their power and heat back, our building was for 3 weeks no heat, no water and electricity. All this during the coldest part of the year and when we ask management if we going to get compensated, they reply that they can not afford this, yet we paid for a month where there was no service. There’s a whole more to this story but I really do not wish to think about it any more.
I very well can understand why people are protesting example the Occupy movement and I can very well understand why people go on a shooting rampage at work. Hell I can even see why people the their own life. With all the government corruption and corporate unfairness, no one in this world give a danm. Seems you all out for themselves and the hell with everyone else.
All my life I was lead to believe that Woman like the gentlemen. The one that open the door for a lady or offers their seat. Pays for dinner or even surprises them with flowers. Yet it would seems that all bullshit, because I’m sure you’ve heard that term nice guys finish last. It’s true is it not.
I’ve seen on more than one occasion woman been mistreated and yet they say they still love him. I’ve seem woman date the rough looking type and their answer to that is they like the fact that their guy can protect them. Even today I witness a guy being a complete asshole with his girlfriend in public no less. And the other day a woman formed a bond with a guy who I know is a complete asshole and has a temper. Yet on the other side there was a guy that was polite and even though they talked she brushed him off like last weeks paper.
I’ve even been told that Women like tall guys, yet seems when you ask around, they don’t want the guy to be too tall. Or They want someone that independent. So if the guy has to take care of a family member and has that family member living with them, does that make him unworthy as he has no independence. Should you rather not find out first what the reasoning is. Same goes for if he owns a car or what type of job he holds. If he works out and has large biceps and a well formed body, Even money plays a big factor.
What ever to loving a guy that has a sweet personality, thats charming, caring, helpful etc. Have we all become so materialistic. Not to say guys are any different.
So the question remains to be asked what do the nice guys have to do to get the attention of a woman, do we just have to settle be the leftovers that nobody wants or the broken ones that have been abused and had their eyes opened to what they have been dating was the wrong direction.
For some respect means more than to others. In some form or another we seek respect either from someone we care for, to people we know in the work place or sport. Makes us feel good to know that you have the respect from that individual. Of course it’s not easy getting that respect and its even harder to regain a persons respect after you broke it.
I strive to do my best and gain the respect of people I know and recsently I have gain the respect of a fellow bowler. Not only is he better than me but you could say that in time I want to be at his level. We’ve crossed paths in bowling from time to time and mostly all the time I lost against him, but for what ever reason I’ve gained his respect and admiration. Makes me feel that ‘m doing something right and he sees that. With his respect you could say it boosts my confidence that I can be better and will get better as in time I’d like the chance to better him.
We all need that something to push us just that bit further and sometimes is nice to know that there are people that even though they have no idea what kind of person you are, but they still respect you in your sport.